It might feel awkward or embarrassing to bring up your sexual concerns with your health care provider, or with a therapist. But, good sexual health is key to your overall health and well-being. So, this topic – like so many others – should be a routine part of your conversations with health care providers and/or therapists. You can be as brief or detailed as you’d like to be – do whatever is comfortable for you!

If you talk openly and honestly about your body and concerns, they can give you better care and guidance. And, you can be on your way to a better sex life. Sometimes, just saying the words “I’m having trouble with sex” is the hardest part.

Here are some conversation starters you can use in your visit:

  • “I’m having trouble with my sex life…”
  • “I’m struggling/having issues in the sex department…”
  • “I wanted to talk with you about my sex life today...” 

If you prefer, to help break the ice, you could write down your concerns on a notecard, and give it to your nurse or doctor at the start of the visit. Also, there may be space on an intake form to write down your concerns as well. With this information, your provider would hopefully start the conversation. If not, you can do so and refer to the written tool(s) you’ve completed.

Once you bring it up, your provider will probably want to know a little more about what’s going on. You can follow up by saying something like:

  • “It’s not what I want it to be, and I’m having concerns with _______(e.g., low sexual desire, lack of sexual arousal, pain during sex, lack of orgasm or orgasm difficulties, not being able to get hard before sex, not staying hard during sex, or having a dry vagina). Can you help?”

Your provider should then ask follow-up questions to get more information. You can also read more about how a good provider should address these concerns under the section "What If I Don't Feel Comfortable with My Provider or Therapist?"