To improve your sex life, you might be able to take steps on your own and/or with your partner(s). But, in other cases, you might want to seek help from a mental health or health care provider. These professionals can help you assess your concerns and identify solutions. But it’s up to you to decide where you’d like to start.
Provided below is an overview of solutions. Based on your concerns and/or diagnosis, one or more of these solutions might be right for you. For many people, a combined approach may be the best answer.
Self-Help Strategies and Education
Sometimes, you can figure out sexual concerns and increase pleasure on your own. Getting to know your body can help you discover what types of sex you enjoy, what arouses you, and what is most pleasurable. And since this is rarely part of standard sex-ed, we usually need to do some education and exploration ourselves.
When it comes to sex, there’s a big menu out there. You can learn more about the many options for sexual expression and activities – either on your own or with a partner – through books, websites, and ethical porn.
You could make sex toys, lubrication, and/or other devices part of your sexual routine. Masturbation is also a good way to explore your body, and what feels good to you. Also, there are many exercises and self-stimulation techniques you can use to increase pleasure. For more information, check out "Resources to Learn More" in this Guide and the "Resources for Self-Education" section.
Improved Partner Communication
Talking openly with your partner(s) about what you like and don’t like when it comes to sex – and what you want to try together – can help address sexual concerns. But easier said than done, right? Talking openly does get easier with practice, and it’s worth the effort. You can have better sex, feel safer, and be closer with your partner.
How we express intimacy, and our sexual feelings can change, especially if we’ve been together for a long time, or as we get older. Beyond sexual intercourse, there are many ways to be close with your partner(s). Other forms of physical touch – such as cuddling or massage – might be become even more appealing. When it comes to sexual expression and pleasure, there’s a big menu of options to explore.
Also, your interest in sex may increase or decrease at certain points in your life. If your sex drives are mismatched – when one of you wants sex more often than the other one does – it's key to talk openly and find solutions that make both of you feel good. There are many free resources at "Resources to Learn More" in this Guide, and the section "Resources for Partner Communication" on how to improve communication with your partner.
Here are some tips on how to discuss a variety of topics with your partner(s):
Parenting. When raising children, it can be tough to find quality alone time with your partner(s). But to stay strong, relationships definitely need time and attention. So, even you’ve been together for a while and life gets busy, it’s important to make time for each other.
- For example, each week you could set aside some “date” time, even if it’s just for a few hours, or a night out. Note: this could also include scheduling time for intimacy and sex.
- Get creative and plan fun, different dates. There are many things you can do together, such as taking a walk or hike, going to a park, seeing a movie or concert, going for a bike ride, or cooking together.
- Working with a general therapist, couples therapist, or a sex therapist can also help improve your communication skills with partner(s).
Check out "Resources to Learn More" in this Guide, and the section "Resources for Parenting and Sex" for resources on keeping up a good sex life while being a parent.
Therapy
If your sexual concern is rooted in emotional, relationship or mental health issues, sex therapy or other types of therapy by a licensed mental health professional can be very helpful. Therapists can also address concerns that may stem from your religious, social, or cultural experiences.
Sex therapy is talk therapy which helps you identify and resolve sexual concerns through a practical plan. This could include partner communication strategies, exercises, or exploring new options and techniques for sexual expression.
Other licensed mental health therapists, who may not have sexuality training, can help you address mental health conditions that could affect your sex life, such as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and stress. A therapist can also help you cope with past trauma. If you are having marital or relationship problems, a trained marriage and family therapist or relationship therapist can help you overcome these difficulties.
Lifestyle Changes
Use of alcohol and drugs, lack of exercise, and stress can negatively affect your sex life. Decreasing your alcohol and drug intake might help resolve sexual concerns and improve your overall health. To do so, you could seek advice from a professional with expertise in substance abuse. Other lifestyle changes, like exercising regularly, can boost self-confidence and overall well-being, which can also help improve your sex life.
Medications
A health care provider can help you determine if a medication that treats specific sexual concerns may be right for you. There are approved medications available that may help treat low desire, erectile dysfunction, and vaginal dryness. Below you will find their common brand names.
- Erectile Dysfunction: (Pill Form) Adcrica, Cialis , Levitra, Staxyn, Stendra, or Viagra; (Injection) Caverject, Edex, or Prostin VR
- Low Desire: Addyi or Vyleesi
- Vaginal Dryness: Vaginal estrogen, prasterone, or ospemifene
Mechanical Aids and Other Devices
Mechanical aids and other devices can also help you overcome sexual concerns. Some could be prescribed by a health care provider, like vacuum devices or penile implants. Or, for those with a vulva/vagina, a dilator might be prescribed.
If you are looking for devices to enhance self-exploration, you could purchase some products on your own, such as sex toys and lubricants. To learn more about the different types of sex toys and how to care for them, check out Planned Parenthood’s resource here.